addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
