She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
