bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
