I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
