i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
