i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently you make a good broom.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
