Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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