You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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