I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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