i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
