my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
God, I missed his penis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
