Old men and throwing up are my life now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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