Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
COCAINE IS GR8
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
