I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
