he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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