i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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