Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
