I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
