In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
