It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
