I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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