I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
