Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just invented taco cereal.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
