I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
