Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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