After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
