i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
