yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
