arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
