WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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