She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
