I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
