Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
