he wants to bone in the snuggie
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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