Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
