And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
