u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
