the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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