Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
