You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
