My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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