You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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