Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
