I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
