Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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