ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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