Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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