We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
