So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
