my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
