I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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