went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
