she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
