I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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