My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
