I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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