I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
