I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
