after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
