Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
