I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
