wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
