do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
