Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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