Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
