you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize