i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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